Filser letters

Translation to English

Translation to Nottingshamshire dialect

„(Naples, March 22, 1912) Your Excellency! I'm not writing this myself today, because I'm too busy, so I'm dictating this letter to a chap who sits at the San Carlo theatre and writes letters for people, which is convenient.“

„(Naples, March 22, 1912) Yooer 'ighness! Ah'm not writtin' this me'sen, cos' ah'm too tied oop, so ah'm tellin' t'letter to a Mester oo sits at t'San Carlo play'ouse & writs letters for Mesters, that's reet gud.“

„At the train station in Munich I met Thoma, that rascal, that liberal Freemason. Then he said, ‘Well Filser’, he said, ‘Where are you going then’ And when I said ‘To Naples’, he said, ‘That's right, see Naples and die.’“

„At t'train sturrshen in Munich ah sees Thoma, t'varlet, t'Top-Mester. Ee sed, ‘Na then, Filser’ ee sed, ‘Weers tha' gooin'?’ Un wen ah sed, ‘T'Naples’, ee sed, ‘Ee, thass reet, see Naples un Dee.’“

„Now I've already been here for 14 days and had a good look at Naples, and so I thought to myself, now I want to see this Die. So I asked everywhere: ‘Dove Die?’ (in Italian, that means: Where is Die?) But the people pulled funny faces and said ‘Well, I don't know’, and that went on until I met a fellow German at the Pschorr brewery and asked him. He fell on the floor with laughter. He was gasping, ‘What did he say? Did he say die? You'll have to perish to see that.’ Then the penny dropped. Yes, that would suit those lousy scallywags and those liberal socialists that all we god-fearing conservatives should drop dead, so that afterwards they could themselves govern and depose the dear Lord and the Prince Regent.”

„Now, ah've been 'ere fuer 14 days un 'ad a gud dekko at t'Naples, un ah thought to me'sen, nah ah want t'see this t'Dee. Soer ah esked ivry'body ‘Dove Dee?’ (in Eytye, ‘Weer is Dee?’). But Mesters gurned un sed, ‘Weel, ah didna know’, un it was like that 'til I met a German Mester at t'Pschorr bru'ery un ah esked 'im. Ee fell t'fluoor fer laffin'. Ee were throttlin' ‘Wots tha' say? Did ee say Dee? Tha's got'ta kick bukket t'see thart.’ Ee, then penny droppt. Tha' wud be fair gud fuer them bluddy wazzoks un those lefties if all t'Tories shud kick t'bucket, so theer can rule un kick owt ah God un Prince Regent.“

„I wanted to send this letter to Munich to congratulate you on your birthday and to wish you all the best. But then I read in the newspaper that you are now in Rome. So I thought it would be a lot nicer when I could personally congratulate you to your face. […] Then we could have some real fun together, and I could show you all sorts of things in Naples. I tell you, the girls there - ye gods!!!“

„Ah woz sendin' t'letter t'Munich to wish thee all best ont'birthday but ah see from t'newspaper tha's now in Rome. So ah thought, it wud be reet gud to see thee thi'sen, un ah cud seh t'thee fizzog ''appy birthday'. [...] Ee, we cud 'av some reet fancies, un ah cud show thee goodies in Naples. T'lasses 'ere - fair petticoats!“

„But now I have to ask you not to tell the missus where I am, otherwise she'd undertake this journey as well. Of course it would be nice to walk around under the palm trees with the dear wife; but on the long journey in this foreign country she could easily be stolen. So I hope to see you again, yours, Josef Filser.”

„Tha mussen say nowt t'uther 'alf, as she mayt cum er'sen. It cud be reet gud, t'goo abaht under t'pahm trees wi't missus; but on't long trek ovver she cud bi pinched. So ah 'ope t'see thee agen, keep thi'sen, Josef Filser.”